


Nineteen Again

by debjunk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: De-Aged Severus Snape, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-06 22:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19071832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debjunk/pseuds/debjunk
Summary: After Nagini’s bite, Severus can’t be saved unless he’s restored to age nineteen. His past in between is now forgotten. Will he choose the light, or continue in the Dark?





	Nineteen Again

**Author's Note:**

> Written for blueartemis07 for the 2018 sshg promptfest. Her prompt: The only way the healers could save Severus was to de-age him. Suddenly, he's 19 again, newly marked, and doesn't remember anything after that. How does he integrate?

Severus awoke and squinted as bright light blinded him. He cracked his eyes open carefully and let them adjust. He was staring up at a plain white ceiling. He tentatively took in the rest of his surroundings. To his left was a small table. A mirror was placed on the wall across from his bed and on his right was a chair and table with an unlit lantern on it. Sitting in the chair was a very old woman. Severus finally recognized her as Professor McGonagall. He turned his head, so he could see her clearly. He noticed relief in the old woman’s face and wondered at it.

“Professor, what happened to you?”

The Professor arched an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

“You look… very old," he finally stated somewhat hesitantly.

“Ah,” the Professor said as she scooted her chair closer to his bed. “Severus, I look older because I am older.” She reached out to take his hand. His stern look at her hand approaching his made her draw it back. “I have some disturbing news to tell you, Severus. I hope you can understand what I’m about to say and not be too upset.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “What is it, Professor?”

“You were in an accident, and the only way to save your life was to do a radical magical procedure that affected you in a very specific way.”

“Go on,” Severus said.

“What year is it?”

Severus looked at her as if she were daft. “1979 of course.”

“And what is the last thing you remember?” Professor McGonagall asked.

Severus glanced covertly at his arm. “I really can’t go into that.”

McGonagall stood, moved around the bed and pulled back the bedsheet. “Were you getting this?” she asked as she motioned to the Dark Mark that was still slightly red on his arm.

Severus grabbed his arm and hid the Mark from her. “How did you know?" he demanded.

The Professor straightened up and moved back to her chair. “Severus, all of this has to do with your injury. The actual year is 1998, which is why I look so ‘old.’ Your true age is 38 but in order to save your life the Healers needed to de-age you back to age 19. They weren’t sure if you would remember anything of your past between those ages, but it looks like you don’t.”

Sitting in her chair heavily, she heaved a great sigh. “I’m sorry, Severus. I’m here to help you in any way I can.”

“Severus regarded her coldly. “What deception is this? You are just trying to get information on the Dark Lord from me.”

McGonagall reached to the table near her and produced a copy of the Daily Prophet. She handed it to Severus. “Check the date,” she instructed.

“May 5th, 1998.” He looked up at her. “This could be magically altered.”

She motioned to the paper. “Look at the headline and the picture.”

Severus glanced at the headline.

**Snape Survives!**

Under the headline was a half-page picture of what he couldn’t deny was himself, only much older. Despite his desire to throw the paper at McGonagall and declare her a charlatan, his visage, with his nose, lanky hair, and black eyes stared back at him, daring him to declare the paper a falsehood. After having a staring contest with the photo, which had folded its arms and arched an eyebrow at him at first sight, he looked to his professor.

“I don’t know anything about this man. What happened to me that I am now 19 ‘again,’ and will I ever remember anything of the years I’ve lived?”

She explained everything, from his being a double agent to Nagini’s attack. She detailed how someone named Hermione Granger had pulled him out of the Shrieking Shack and Apparated him to St Mangos. He should have known that damn shack would be involved with his near death. She continued, explaining that the giant wound in his neck wouldn’t stop bleeding no matter what the Healers did. His hand went involuntarily to his neck at that point. It felt as pristine as ever. 

“So,” she continued, “the healers deduced that the only way to completely heal you was to de-age you.”

“Who was the imbecile who decided that 19 was the ideal age to reduce me to?” Severus railed.

Professor McGonagall straightened up and looked directly at him. “I did.”

Severus gave her a quizzical look. She cleared her throat.

“I wanted you to have a second chance, Severus. You’re a hero, but you’ve paid for that dearly. I hope that being 19 again will give you the opportunity to live your life again without all the pain and evil you’ve been surrounded by.”

Severus sat up and leaned toward her. “You had no right. I chose this life.” He brandished his Mark at her. “I want to follow the Dark Lord. Do you expect me to just renounce him?”

“Severus, he’s dead. And he was the one who tried to kill you. Surely, that must make you realize what he truly was.”

Severus snarled at her. “Get out,” he said brusquely.

“Severus, someone had to make a decision. You were unconscious. I tried to do what I thought would be best for you in the long run.”

“Leave. Now.”

Sighing, she rose. “I’ll come back tomorrow. I’m sorry, Severus. I hope you can forgive me. I couldn’t see you die. You’re my friend.”

She left then, leaving him staring after her, wondering how they ever became friends, and how, if she was his friend, she could know so little about him that she’d send him back to this age.

After reading _The Prophet_ through and then staring at the ceiling for a long while, Severus got up and looked in the mirror. He looked exactly as he’d always looked. There was no sign of this older man that he had been. The whole thing was very hard to believe, but it evidently was true. 

His musings were interrupted by a knock on his door. He turned to see a young woman standing there smiling tentatively. She wore jeans and a peach shirt. She was quite pretty and had the curliest hair he’d ever seen. Her brown eyes seemed kind, but also had a touch of fear in them. She cleared her throat and began to speak.

Hi, professor... I mean, Severus. Is it ok if I call you Severus?” She waited for his curt nod before continuing. She moved toward him with her hand extended. “I’m Hermione Granger. You were my professor at Hogwarts. I wanted to see how you were doing. Healer Pye explained that you don’t remember anything that happened after you were 19. I’m really sorry to hear that. We all owe you our lives,” she gushed.

“Do you always talk so much?” he asked.

She blushed and dropped her hand. “Yes, but I’m a bit nervous, which always exacerbates the issue.”

He regarded her coolly. “I suppose I have you to thank for saving my life.” he said.

She nodded quickly but looked uncomfortable. “I wasn’t sure if you knew. I didn’t come here for thanks, though. I came to see how you’re doing.”

He scoffed. “Why do you care?” 

"Well, as teacher and student, we really didn't have any sort of friendly relationship, but I always respected you and admired your wealth of knowledge. I always felt that if we were closer in age, we'd probably have a bit in common."

"You're a spy and a murder as well?"

Hermione chucked. "Um, no, I'm not. But I'm rather studious, and I love to learn. You're quite brilliant, so I just thought you would like those things as well." Tilting her head, she went on. "Besides, you're not a murderer."

Severus scoffed. "I read the paper. I understand what I did."

She regarded him seriously. "I don't know if you truly do."

He looked up at her. "Then enlighten me."

"May I sit?" she asked, pointing to the lone chair in the room. He nodded and moved to the bed, sitting on it so he was facing her. She finally went on. "What did you learn from the paper?"

He scowled. "I gave up everything that I believe in to be a spy for Dumbledore, then I killed him." He looked up at her angrily. "Why would I do such a thing?" Pushing up his sleeve violently, he traced his Mark, which was already starting to fade with the loss of Voldemort. "I didn't just get this Mark to switch sides and be a traitor."

She contemplated for a minute before answering. "Why did you take the Mark?"

"That's none of your business."

She shrugged. "You want me to tell you why you turned sides. I can make educated guesses from what I know, but I wasn't there. Why did you do it? Do you really believe in what he was trying to do? You wanted to kill Muggles?"

He leaned forward towards her tersely. "It isn't about that! It's about believing in something and making a difference. It's about power, and the ability to change the world for the better!"

"By stripping Muggle-born witches and wizards of their wands and rights?"

"That's not what he wanted."

Hermione moved to the edge of her seat and looked into his eyes gravely. "But that is what he did. Back then, when you joined, he had to be subtle to get followers. He couldn't let everyone know what was deep in his heart. Then once they were on board, they saw him for what he really was. This time around, he didn't have to pander to anyone, and his true evil came through from the start. He wasn't the man you thought he was, Severus. He did want power, but only for himself, and would stop at nothing to gain it. He conned you."

"You're wrong!"

Hermione fished in her pocket and pulled out her pocket version of _Hogwarts: A History_ and handed it to him.

"I know you are coming from a different time. I don't know what he said or told you, but this chronicles everything he did during the first war. Read it and decide for yourself if what he said truly matched what he sold to you."

"Oy, Hermione, you're still here? I thought you were just going to say hi and come meet me." 

Hermione looked to the red-headed man who had just entered the room. She held out her hand to him. 

"Severus, this is Ron Weasley," she introduced.

"Snape, you're looking a lot better than you did before. Not so greasy."

Hermione snapped her head to him. "Ron!"

He shrugged. "I'm just sayin'"

"Be nice, Ronald Weasley! Go wait outside. I'll be right there."

Weasley scrunched his eyebrows together but seemed to know better and turned and left.

Hermione reached out and grasped Severus' hand despite his pulling back. She placed her other hand over his.

"I'm sorry for Ron. He doesn't have a filter. I need to go, but I'll come back, and we'll talk more about your reasons for switching sides."

"They're letting me out tomorrow. Evidently I've made a full recovery," he said tartly.

She smiled. "I'm glad. We've lost so many, I don't know what I would have done or felt had you been lost as well. Are you staying at Spinner's End?"

He nodded. His caretaker had advised him of his owning his childhood home.

"I meant what I said before," Hermione said as she squeezed his hand. "I want to be your friend."

"No one is friends with me," he stated darkly.

"Well, that was in your past. You have your entire future ahead of you again, and in this lifetime, you can actually have friends." 

Letting his hand go, she smiled at him before turning and exiting his room. He looked down at his hand and stared at it a while. Doubting he'd ever truly see the witch again, he shrugged in defeat and laid down, awaiting the dawn and his release.

* * *

Severus entered his home and looked around. Minerva had come to the hospital again and taken him to Gringotts, where he’d accessed his vault and got some money to hold him over while he figured out what to do with his life now that everything he knew had been pulled out from under him. She had tsk'd at him and his defeatist ideas, but he was feeling very lost right now. Hell, he didn't even know what happened to his friends from school. And Lily... from what he'd read, she had been killed by the Dark Lord. Perhaps that Hermione woman was right. He had been fooled. 

At least he had a good store of money in his vault. From what he could see, he probably would never want for anything again in his life. Evidently, being a murderer had its advantages.

Looking around his childhood home, he couldn't understand why, with all that money, he hadn't fixed up the place. It was dark, the furniture was on its last legs, and the whole house really hadn't changed at all since he had left it for good two years ago. Well, two years in his frame of reference. Perhaps he would spruce it up and sell it.

His musings were interrupted by a light knock on the door. Furrowing his brow, he moved to answer it. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a mass of curls surrounding a smiling face.

"You!" he uttered with disdain. "I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"Oh, ye of little faith," Hermione said as she looked at him expectantly. He stared back at her until she sighed. "May I come in?"

"I suppose I have no other option but to let you, as you seem to be the type that will rap at my door all day until you get what you want," he stated dryly.

She chuckled at him. _Chuckled!_ Who was this woman, and why was she bothering him? 

Grinning she slipped by him and looked over his sitting room. She didn't say a word about his décor but seemed drawn to his bookcase where she slowly fingered the books on his shelf reverently.

"Should I leave you two alone?" He drawled.

Hermione laughed. "Wow, Severus, who knew you could be so entertaining." Turning to him, she motioned to a small loveseat. "May I sit?"

He nodded, all the while giving her a curious stare. Finally, he settled into his favorite reading chair. It was as comfortable as he remembered it. Maybe that's why he'd kept it despite its threadbare appearance.

"Did you grow up here?" She asked after a long, awkward silence.

He nodded.

"It's cozy," she stated.

"It's a hole," he replied.

"Well, I'm sure you could spruce it up if you want to stay."

He nodded again.

Sighing, she crossed her legs and leaned back in the seat. "When I left yesterday, you were about to tell me why you had decided to follow Voldemort."

"No, I wasn't," he replied. "Remember, it's none of your business."

"So, what would you like to talk about?"

"You know what I want from you. Tell me why I switched sides."

"I would assume it's because of Lily Potter," she told him.

"Because the Dark Lord killed her?"

"Yes, and because you had heard the prophecy about Harry being the one to defeat Voldemort, which caused him to kill her."

His face turned ashen. "What?"

She explained the prophecy and reasoning behind Voldemort's murder of his beloved friend. 

“Merlin, I killed her.” 

Hermione was up in an instant and kneeling in front of him. “Severus, don’t. It’s not true. Voldemort killed her, and if you hadn’t heard the prophecy, someone else would have.”

“How could this have happened? I was so sure in taking this Mark.” His hand went to his now faded Mark and he dug his nails into it. He felt Hermione’s hand surround his and draw it away from his other arm.

“Stop this, now,” she said gently. Her other hand moved to his Mark, and she lightly traced the lines. 

“Will you tell me now why you decided to take this?”

He frowned. “I was just talking with Mulciber the other day.” He blushed. “You know what I mean.” At her nod, he continued. "He joined a couple of weeks ago. He was always saying how amazing it was to be part of something; to have a purpose. It's something I've never felt before. I've always been a bit of an outcast. I wanted to be accepted by somebody. By a group." His face became hard. "And I wanted to show Lily she was wrong." He looked at Hermione. "But she wasn't, was she? In the end, she was right. She was right about everything about me."

"No, Severus. She was very wrong about you. You may have been enticed by them, but ultimately you saw them for what they were. You saw _him_ for what he was. I know everyone thinks Harry is the hero, but you are the true hero."

He pulled out of her grasp then, stood and began to pace. "I was a fool! I should have known it was all too good to be true."

"Severus..."

"No!" He wheeled around and turned to her. "I thought this would help me. All it did was destroy me!" 

He moved to the chair again and sunk into it, resting his head in his hands. "Please, just go. I need to think."

She nodded and rose. "Let me know if you want to talk. I'm only an owl or a Patronus away." With that, she took her leave, closing the door quietly behind her.

He grasped his hair and tugged at it. This was all wrong. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. How had he been so stupid to let himself be coerced by his so-called friends. He needed to talk with someone who was in the middle of it all. See if they could help him with understanding the huge gap between his certitude and all that had gone on after that. He needed to speak with Lucius.

* * *

Severus stood in front of Malfoy mansion and knocked at the door. The Malfoys were under house arrest while everything that they did and didn't do was analyzed before their trial. He was not surprised to see an Auror on the other side of the door when it was opened. He explained who he was and said, "I was wondering if I could visit Lucius and Narcissa?"

The door was opened, and the Auror motioned toward the library. Severus moved across the hall and entered the room. Lucius was alone in there. The now older man looked up when Severus entered.

"Do you know who I am?" Severus asked.

Lucius' eyebrows raised. "Is that how they saved you? Turned you into a teenager again? My friend, I suspect you'd probably rather have perished."

Severus smiled thinly. Lucius motioned for him to take a seat across from him.

"Lucius, I don't remember anything past my 19th year and getting the Mark. What happened? We were all so sure of ourselves. Certain that we could have what we wanted and show the world how it should be run."

"Ahh, youth, right?" Lucius said wryly. "He was so very charismatic back then. We were all entranced by his silver tongue and beautiful ideas. It wasn't until later that his true self came out. By then it was too late."

"So, you regret taking the Mark as well?" Severus asked.

Lucius gave a quick nod. "Evidently, though, you came to your senses much sooner than I. I had no idea you'd been spying for so long."

"I feel the fool. I was caught up in everything."

Lucius moved forward in his seat. "We all were. It was going to be glorious. When he was pontificating, we couldn't get enough of it. Of course, he wasn't going to tell us about the mass murders, the torturing, the Cruciatus constantly being thrown at all of us. We would have all run the other way. Then once we were Marked, we learned, but then we were in it with no way out."

"What of you, Lucius? The paper said you are awaiting trial?"

"Yes," Lucius said dryly. "Hopefully, Narcissa saving the boy wonder will bode in our favor."

Severus rose then and held out his hand to Lucius, who took it and shook it. "I hope everything turns out for you, Lucius. You've always been a friend. I know I'm much younger now, so I'm not sure how that will work."

Lucius smiled. "Drop by anytime. You're always welcome."

Severus gave a slight bow of his head, then turned and left. As he meandered down the pathway to the gates, he mulled over everything he'd learned over the past couple of days. He truly felt lost. He'd obviously made a terrible mistake in taking the Dark Mark. He'd played a large part in the killing of the woman he loved. He'd really cocked up everything. And now, he didn't even know what to do with the rest of his life. Lucius had been right. It would have been better that they just let him die in his old age.

* * *

Severus didn't see Hermione Granger again for several weeks. It seemed she was willing to give him his privacy, and for that, he found he respected her. Their next encounter came as he was heading into Hogwarts, having been summoned by Professor McGonagall. Hermione was in the entryway, magically fixing some of the edges of the stairs going up to the doorway. 

"Hermione," he greeted her somewhat shyly.

Hermione looked up and saw him smiling thinly at her. 

"Oh, Severus! It's so good to see you. How are you feeling? What have you been doing?"

Severus held up his hands. "You seem to be nervous again," he said drolly.

She grinned. "No, just happy to see you out and about."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall asked me to join her for tea. She said she had something to discuss with me."

"Well then, I better not keep you any longer. She can get a little testy when she's made to wait."

"Sounds like she hasn't changed much in the years that have passed."

Hermione nodded. "Come find me when you're done. I'll be more than ready for a break by then."

Severus nodded and headed into the building in search of the Headmistress.

* * *

Having been given the password ahead of time, Severus rode the stairs up to the Headmistress’s office. He knocked on the open door as he entered the room. Professor McGonagall smiled at him and motioned for him to take the seat that was placed opposite her by the desk. He nodded to her as he sat and waited patiently for her to begin. It wasn't long before she was fawning over him.

"Severus, are you feeling all right? I sent several owls, but didn't receive a response until I invited you to tea. Have you been adjusting to things ok?"

"Professor, I have been as well as can be expected. I've been studying history books and newspapers to try and fill the gaps in what I did these last nineteen years. As for my health, I seem to have no ill effects from the de-aging or the previous injuries."

McGonagall smiled. "Severus, please call me Minerva. You haven't been a student here for some time, even from your point of view. Also, we've been friends for a long time, and you used to call me by my given name."

Severus nodded. "I'll try. I'm just used to, you know, being your student."

Minerva nodded. "Of course." She held out a filled teacup to Severus, prepared just the way he liked it. He was going to ask about it, but then remembered she'd known him probably better than he now knew himself. She continued as they settled into their individual cups.

"I wanted to ask you what your plans are for the future, Severus." 

Severus furrowed his brow. "That's what I've been trying to determine for the last week. My options seem to be few."

Minerva frowned. "Surely, Severus, you could do anything you please. I do, however, have an option that I feel you should consider."

He arched an eyebrow at her before taking a sip of tea. 

"I'd like you to teach Potions here," she declared, which caused him to choke on his tea.

"Have you gone mad?" He queried.

She chuckled at him. "No, I haven't. I just need to rebuild my staff."

"But I know nothing about teaching!" he retorted.

"Severus, you taught Potions for years before. You are incredibly talented in the craft, and I believe you would do a good job here again."

"I was under the impression that I didn't like teaching."

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"My journal. I discovered it in a drawer while making my home habitable. I've just begun to read it, but one of the first things I gleaned was that I hated teaching."

"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure if you hated it because of your situation or what. You know, you started here not much older than you are now, and you actually applied for a position with us, so you must have wanted to teach."

"I wanted the Defense position, and that was at the request of Voldemort from what I read in my journal. I will admit, at that point the thought of teaching wasn't awful, and I don't really have any aversion to it now. Are you sure about this? Will the parents want their children taught by a Death Eater?"

She flipped her hand at him. "Oh, you've been teaching for years! You're well respected among parents, feared by children. What better person could I ask to take the position?"

"Feared by children? Profes... Minerva, have you lost your mind?"

She sat back and folder her arms. "No, the students know you. They'll respect you, even if you're young. Think of it this way, Severus... it's a chance for you to start fresh, to make something more of this teaching position, and perhaps find something you enjoy. I think with taking all of the pressures you dealt with before out of the equation, you can really make this something fulfilling."

Severus huffed, but the thought of teaching seemed to feel right to him. He wasn't sure why. Maybe righting his past in some way would help him to feel better about all the horrid things he'd done.

Minerva continued, trying to persuade him further. "Another thing, you won't be the only younger teacher on faculty. I've asked Hermione Granger to take over my place teaching Transfiguration."  
He arched an eyebrow at that. "I assume she's qualified?" he asked.

"She was a star pupil while here. She is more than qualified."

He nodded. "It's really none of my business anyway," he confessed. "When do you want me to give you an answer?"

"I would like to know by tomorrow, if you could. Hopefully, you’ll take it as you're really the only person I can see doing a proper job of this."

Severus regarded her seriously. He was amazed that she had such confidence in him. It gave him confidence in himself.

"All right, I'll take the position. But I may need to lean on you to help me adapt to this."

Minerva clapped her hands together and smiled at him. "I'm here for anything you need, Severus. I'll send over Professor Slughorn's syllabi, and you can create something that works for you."

"Would you mind very much if I just moved into the school next week? Although I'm fixing up my house, I find it depressing, no matter what I do with it."

"You can move in whenever you'd like. Maybe some distance will give you some inspiration on what to do with the home.” 

Minerva nodded before rising and extending her hand. "Welcome to Hogwarts, Severus. I'm delighted to have you on board."

He shook her hand and smiled faintly. He hoped this was the right thing to do.

* * *

Descending the stairs, he kept his eye out for the Granger girl. After all, she'd asked him to stop by and chat when he was done. He came upon her in a corner of the great hall, snogging the red headed bloke she'd introduced him to before. Weasley was it? He wondered if he was related to Arthur and Molly Weasley. With that hair, he didn't doubt it.

Increasing his pace and hardening his footfalls so they'd be aware of his impending arrival, he saw them break apart and stare at him as he approached. He wondered if he should have left them to their snogging, but he'd already committed himself to talking with Granger.

"Oy, Snape, such bad timing," Weasley stated.

"Weasley," he acknowledged while Hermione slapped her boyfriend against the chest.

"Be nice!" she demanded. 

She seemed to demand that a lot from him. He wondered what she saw in the other man.

He was about to speak when he noticed their attention was drawn behind him. He turned to see who was joining them, and his heart stood still. His wand slipped into his hand before he realized that he wasn't looking at a very well put together inferi of James Potter, but was viewing his son, Harry.

Harry gave Severus a wary look as he approached the three. Severus holstered his wand, looking a bit embarrassed and then scowled, looking away. Hermione rushed at Harry then and enveloped him in a big hug.

"Oh, Harry! I'm glad you were able to come help out."

He hugged her, then broke away and looked at Severus.

"Are you... Professor Snape?" he asked tentatively.

"I'm no one's professor now," Severus answered. "Just call me Severus."

Harry extended his hand, but Severus just stared at it. He slowly replaced it back by his side.

"Severus, I want to thank you for everything you've done for us. I treated you unfairly before because I didn't know what you were doing. That doesn't make it right. I hope you can forgive me."

"I don't remember anything you did, Harry, but if you're anything like your father, I doubt you're very sorry for any of it."

"Harry's not his father, Severus," Hermione said solemnly.

"I know my dad was a prat to you. I'm sorry for that too." Harry extended his hand again. Severus grimaced at it, but reluctantly shook it. Looking up at Harry he explained, "I suppose this is the time for fresh starts, so why not have one with you."

Harry smiled. He fished into his coat pocket and produced a small vial. "I was actually going to stop by your home later today to give this to you."

Severus recognized the vial to be filled with memories. He looked quizzically at Harry. Harry shrugged. 

“The papers never knew about this. Before you died...um, passed out, you gave me these memories. I  
thought maybe they would help you to know who you were."

Severus reached out and took the vial, staring at it thoughtfully. Finally, he put it into his pocket and thanked Harry.

"We should all go out to lunch at the _Three Broomsticks._ " Hermione suggested.

"Yeah, I'm starved," Ron agreed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron, you're always starved.”

Severus was about to back out when Hermione pointed at him. "Oh, no you don't. You have to eat too. You need to come with us."

"Give up now, mate." Harry advised. "When she points at you and uses that tone, there's no arguing with her."

Severus' lips curled up infinitesimally. "I guess I'm coming along then."

* * *

They Apparated to Hogsmeade and were soon seated in the pub with Butterbeers and great plates of fish and chips in front of them. Harry and Ron had been talking Quidditch, but Hermione turned to Severus instead of joining in with them.

"So, what did Professor McGonagall want?" she asked.

"She offered me a job."

"Does she want you to be the Potions Master?"

He nodded.

"And did you say yes?" Hermione asked with a bit of excitement. The boys stopped talking to hear his answer as well.

"I did," he replied succinctly.

Hermione's eyes lit up. "Then we'll be teaching together," she cried.

"I'm glad we're not going back then," Ron commented. "Having to deal with Snape was bad enough, but having Hermione as a teacher... that's frightening."

"Ron!" Hermione cried.

"Be nice." Severus and she said at the same time. Hermione whipped her head around to give him an  
incredulous look. He shrugged.

"Those words seem to come out of your mouth a lot when you're talking to him," he explained.

She huffed and took a sip of her Butterbeer. Harry chucked at her. "You have to admit," he said finally, "you can be scary when you need to."

"I suppose," she replied peevishly.

Severus cleared his throat and addressed Hermione again. "To be honest, I was surprised she asked me to teach. I have no experience, and being a Death Eater has its drawbacks."

"Severus, you're a hero," Hermione retorted.

"It didn't stop you before," Ron muttered.

Harry looked at him thoughtfully. "You were a bit of an arse as a teacher before. You mentioned new starts earlier. This can be that for you."

Severus sat back and folded his arms, regarding Harry. "So, tell me what I did that was so awful as a teacher," he asked earnestly. "I've heard that I was terrible, but I don't know what I did that was so awful."

Harry thought about it. "Well, first of all, you were very partial to the Slytherins. They could do no wrong."

"And you thought we were all stupid," Ron added.

"You were derogatory to us whenever you could be," Hermione stated. "You always called us dunderheads and made fun of our appearances. You had sarcastic comments for everything." She looked up at him. "Do you think any of that was part of your cover?"

Severus shrugged his shoulders. "It would make sense if it were. Or I was just a jerk."

"I vote for the latter," Ron replied under his breath. Hermione looked at him in shock, because despite his wanting to be private, the words had been very audible.

Severus chuckled none-the-less. "That's highly likely," he countered.

"Well, I think that it was part of your spying," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

Severus contemplated her. She seemed to always have a good word for him, even though it seemed he had not treated her very well in his previous life. 

"Nevertheless, I think for this first year I'll be too busy trying to teach correctly and gain respect. I have no intention to insult everyone right off. But perhaps if they deserve it..."

Harry glanced at him and couldn't help grin. "You're funnier than I expected," he said.

Despite Severus not really liking Potter, he found himself still wanting his acceptance. His desire to be accepted had always been strong, but up until now, he'd never been. He was wary that the young man would turn out just like his father, so he kept his guard up, but he was willing to give him a chance.

The group continued talking for a good while until everyone decided it was time to go back to Hogwarts and resume their main task: repairing the castle.

* * *

Severus stood in his home holding the vial that Harry Potter had given him. He'd no idea what he would find in his previous memories, but he felt a bit nervous. He'd read a small part of his left-behind journal already but hadn't really had time to delve too far into it. He knew that Voldemort had asked him to apply for a teaching position, and he'd received one. He hadn't read farther into it to discover whether he felt trapped into the position by Voldemort and that was the cause of his reluctance. 

Looking at the memories again, he figured they wouldn't mention anything about teaching. What would Potter need to know to be able to defeat the Dark Lord? What was in this vial of secrets he was staring at? There was only one way to know. 

He'd found a Pensieve underneath his dresser. He now removed it and let it float over the bed. Pouring in the memories, he watched as they shimmered out of the vial and into the water. Memories truly were beautiful, until you examined their contents. He paused, wondering if he should just forget the whole thing. 

"Don't be a coward," he told himself and plunged into the memories. 

He smiled as he saw Lily as a young girl. This memory was familiar, as were all the ones of her while they were at Hogwarts. His heart constricted with love for her as he relived them. The next memory was new. He was begging Professor Dumbledore to help with saving Lily. Here was where his loyalty to Voldemort had disappeared, and he began his work for the Headmaster. 

From that point on he stared in horror as the memories unfolded. From Lily's death to the revelation that Potter would have to die after his careful protection, it all was stunning to him. He emerged from the Pensieve and gasped. Falling to his knees, he let out a great guttural groan. He knew Lily was dead, but living those memories had been too much. He'd tried before to ignore her death... to not mourn, but now all of it crashed upon him, and he literally fell apart. Great tears coursed down his cheeks as he collapsed onto the floor and mourned. 

After a while he had the strength to sit up. Tears still coursed down his face, but they were slowly letting up. He began to feel whole again. If he were truthful with himself, he'd really needed to let it all out. It wasn't just Lily, although that was a large part of it. It was everything that had happened. He'd had a life that he'd lived but not been able to remember. He'd suddenly changed allegiances, when for him in his reality, just a short month or so ago, he'd been so certain of his choice. He understood that choice ultimately led to his best friend's death, no matter that she no longer felt that way about him. Then he'd killed his mentor. It had all been too much. He'd mulled it over but hadn't been able to really process it all until now.

He wiped his eyes and face and got up. Moving to his bedside table, he pulled out his journal. _In for a penny, in for a pound,_ he thought. He would push through and finish the journal tonight and see exactly who he had been before. Maybe he could become that man again, only better.

* * *

It had taken all night and half the morning, but he'd finally finished his journal. He lay back in his bed and put the thing down to rest on his lap. He finally had a grasp of who he'd been and why he'd done everything he'd done. He felt that many things had been driven by him being a spy, but there was an underlying aspect of much of it that just seemed petty. He was a bit upset at that. At his age, his hopes for himself were quite lofty. Looking at what he had become, those hopes had gone by the wayside in a flurry of subterfuge and his inability to trust anyone fully.

Some of his attitudes had angered him. He really didn't like the teacher he'd become. Although he could tell he was an expert in his field, his bitterness and inability to connect with his students had been disturbing. He reflected on his own teachers and the ones who had left the largest mark on him. They certainly hadn't been the ones who were awful all the time, no matter how intelligent they were. 

Sighing, he looked down at the journal. He'd need a new one, so he could record his new life, however, he would keep this one. It would stand as a guide and a warning as to what he wanted for his life, and what he didn't want to become. Rising from the bed, he placed the book on his dresser, leaning against his mirror. Hopefully the daily sight of it would keep him on the path he wanted for himself.

* * *

He'd slept most of that day to catch up with his all night read-a-thon. The next morning, he packed what he needed for Hogwarts, shrunk it all and placed it into his pocket, turned to view his run down home, and left without another look back. Depending on how the year went, he might want to stay at the castle indefinitely. If he did, selling this place and perhaps buying a small flat for the summers would probably be the best thing for him to do.  
Apparating to the Hogwarts gates, he opened the gates and studied the castle. He'd always felt at home here, despite not feeling very welcome by the inhabitants. As he walked up the path, he stole a glance towards the tree that had become his study area during his time as a student. He was happy to see it still was there. It had grown a bit, and its canopy had widened out too, giving a good deal of shade to anyone who would want to settle under it. Perhaps he'd come out here later and review the syllabi Minerva had sent to him. 

He drew near the doors and hesitated for a second. This would be the start of a new life for him. The weight of the importance of this moment didn't escape him. He placed his hand on the door and opened it, literally starting a new page in his history. It was hard to believe he'd already lived a lifetime. He wished he had some of that wisdom still in his head, but he was happy for the journal that he hoped would ground him in this new life. It was securely shrunken in his pocket with all his other belongings.

* * *

It hadn't taken him long to get settled into his rooms. He'd reverently leaned his old journal against the mirrored back of his dresser facing his bed. After fixing things up a bit, he moved outside and settled under his study tree. He lifted his legs and laid the first years' syllabus on them and began to study. Before long he was buried in his work.  
He was so engrossed that he didn't noticed Hermione come up to him until her shadow covered up his reading. He looked up to see her smiling down at him.  
"Good morning, Severus, may I join you?" She asked cheerily.  
"Yes, of course," he said while moving over slightly to make room for her if she wanted to lean against the trunk along with him.  
"A red shirt, huh? When did you become so Gryffindor?"  
"Very funny, witch."  
Settling herself next to him, she leaned over to look at what he was studying.  
"Are those lesson plans?" she asked.  
"Yes," he answered. "I thought I'd get a head start looking over these."  
"Why didn't you just look them over at home?"  
He grinned at her. "This is my home now. I moved in earlier this morning."  
Hermione gasped. "Really? Why that's brilliant. How are your classroom and apartment?"  
"The apartment is very comfortable, and the classroom is much as I remembered it. I think I'll work on organizing it tomorrow."  
"So, why didn't you stay at your home?"  
Severus grimaced. "It's not really a home. I've been working to fix it up, but it just makes me feel dismal. My memories of my childhood are very strong; and knowing that I lived there before and really hadn't taken good care of it just brings home how little it meant to me and how deeply I was involved with subterfuge and spying."  
Hermione nodded in agreement. "That makes sense." She looked back at the castle. "This has always seemed like my home away from home. Maybe I should move in early as well. I sort of lost my home in the war."  
"What happened?" Severus asked curiously.  
She explained the _Obliviate_ she had performed on her parents and their move to Australia. "I restored their memories as soon as the battle was over, but they enjoy their life in Australia and don't want to move back. They sold the home I grew up in, so I'm kind of a vagabond. I've been living at Grimmauld Place since the war ended."  
"Is that the Black family residence?" Severus asked.  
Hermione nodded. "Harry inherited it after Sirius Black was killed. He lives there as well."  
"You live with Potter? How many men do you need, Granger?"  
She laughed. "It's not like that. We're like brother and sister. But if you asked Ron, he thinks we're going at it like rabbits." She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, that man is jealous of everything."  
They were quiet for a minute, then Severus turned to her. "Hermione, I know we don't know each other incredibly well, but may I ask you a personal question?"  
Her eyes met his. " Of course, Severus. We're friends. You can ask me anything you'd like."  
"What is it you see in Weasley?"  
She furrowed her brow and looked away.  
"I mean... I know I haven't seen you two together much, but you seem to bicker a lot, and he's always saying something that makes you annoyed."  
Hermione pulled her knees up and hugged them. She sighed. "I've been attracted to Ron for years, but we just got together officially at the end of the war. What do I see in him? He's attractive. I like his smile. He makes me laugh... " She sighed again and looked to the ground.  
"But..." Severus said.  
"Since we've been together, I've not been sure what I want. Now that the war is over, the things we have in common seem to be getting fewer and fewer. He loves Quidditch and enjoys the attention we get for being war heroes. I would rather curl up with a book, and I hate every word that is written about me in the paper and every camera flash that is directed at me."  
"You two rather seem to be polar opposites," Severus mused.  
"And that used to be fun. Now, it's beginning to grate on my nerves. And this jealousy thing... it's been ongoing since our fifth year. I know he liked me back then but wouldn't do anything about it, then chose to be nasty when I had a date for the Yule ball. The next year he chose to date someone else to throw it in my face. I just look back at his behavior when we were in school, and it worries me that he's always going to be like this and jump to conclusions about every man I talk to."  
Severus nodded. "Your worries make sense. If he loves you, he should show that to you and not worry about other men. If you feel his love, there would be no reason for you to look elsewhere."  
She chuckled mirthlessly. "That's very insightful of you." She straightened up and looked at him. "Did Lily know of your feelings for her?"  
Severus frowned. "I was too young and stupid to show her how I felt. Then I said something horrid to her, and our friendship ended."  
"Do you think if she knew, things would have gone another way with the two of you?"  
Severus looked to the ground. "I'd like to think so, but what I said to her was unforgivable."  
Hermione scoffed. "Being called a Mudblood is certainly not an unforgivable offense."  
"How would you feel if someone called you that?" Severus asked sullenly.  
Hermione sighed. "People call me that all the time."  
"You're Muggle-born?"  
She nodded.  
"But have your best friends ever called you that? Has Ron ever called you that?"  
Looking him in the eye, she answered, "No, thankfully my friends haven't done anything like that. I'm not saying what you did was right, but..." She pursed her lips and gave him a determined look. "If Ron or Harry ever called me that, I would be incredibly hurt. I admit, I probably wouldn't speak to them for a while. It's a callous and evil thing to call someone like me. But they're my friends, Severus. Friends forgive one another. I don't throw my friends away like that. Oh, believe me, we'd have a very long discussion about it once I deemed I would speak with them again, but knowing my friends... knowing Ron and Harry, there would have had to be some extenuating circumstances for anything like that to come out of their mouths."  
"Do you know the story behind why I said it?" Severus asked tentatively.  
Hermione nodded. "Harry told us when we thought you were dead." She didn't say anything more for a while.  
"See, even you can't forgive me for what I said."  
Hermione looked at him. "I stand by my opinion earlier. I'd be furious with you, especially since I was trying to stand up for you, but that's no reason to end a friendship. I would think, had it been me, I would have wanted to work through it once I got over my initial feelings."  
Severus was a bit shocked at her response, assuming she would take Lily's side. He looked to see if she was just trying to appease him. Her face was determined. She reached out and grasped his hand.  
"Severus, she should have forgiven you, and you need to forgive yourself. It happened a long time ago. Let it go and move on."  
He stared at her hand holding his and looked up into her eyes. "How do I do that?" he whispered.  
She squeezed his hand. "Realize what it was and what it wasn't. It was several years ago; would you ever say such a thing now? Do I need to worry that you will call me that?"  
He shook his head. "Of course not."  
"And you apologized to her?"  
He nodded. "Repeatedly."  
She frowned at that but kept looking at him. "Then it seems that you've made up for your actions. Let it go."  
His brow furrowed, and he evaded her gaze by looking over her shoulder.  
She shook his hand back and forth vigorously. "Let it go, Severus. You wanted a fresh start here, right? What better way to do that than to forgive yourself?"  
Severus sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm not sure that I can."  
"Well, you should sleep on it. Maybe even review that memory in a Pensieve or something."  
She squeezed his hand again and rose to leave. "I think I've taken enough of your study time," she explained.  
Severus closed the syllabus and put it with the others. Shrinking them, he placed them in his trouser pocket. He rose and looked at her again. "I think my mind is in too much of a whirl to absorb these. I'll help you out with repairs."  
Hermione nodded.  
"Hermione," Severus said as he reached out for her hand and squeezed it like she had done to him. "Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about."  
Her smile lit up as Severus marveled at how utterly beautiful she looked in that moment. Soon it passed, and they walked back to the castle to help with repairs.

* * *

She'd come by every day since then. She'd meet him out under the tree, and they'd sit and talk. Then they'd go into the castle to help with rebuilding it. She often stayed for lunch and dinner. Severus enjoyed her visits and was glad she stopped by so much. About a week after their original encounter under the tree she appeared again, this time not even asking to join him.  
"Your boyfriend is going to be jealous of all the time we spend together, Granger," Severus said.  
Hermione chuckled. "What Ron doesn't know won't hurt him."  
"I still say you're wasting your time with that imbecile. You deserve better."  
Severus thought he heard Hermione's breath catch, but he couldn't be sure. She got really quiet and looked to the ground. He decided to change the subject.  
"By the way, I took your advice from last week. I reviewed that memory of Lily in the Pensieve. To tell the truth, I hadn't thought about it in depth or reviewed it since it happened. I was trying to block it out of my head, I think. Do you know what I noticed?"  
Hermione looked to him curiously. "What?"  
"When Potter strung me upside down, Lily almost laughed."  
"No! Why would she do that?"  
Severus shrugged. "Perhaps she wasn't as good a friend as I thought she was."  
"Perhaps," Hermione said while deep in thought. "That seems so two-faced. Either she was defending you, or she was mocking you. She really can't have it both ways."  
Severus nodded. "In any case, thank you for your suggestion. I think reviewing that and seeing something I'd missed helped me to sort everything out in my head. I decided to throw away the guilt. I lived with it for too long."  
Hermione took his hand. She seemed to do that a lot. Their eyes met, and a jolt went through Severus. Hermione seemed very flustered. She nervously got to her feet. "Well, I'm glad you decided to let it go, Severus. Shall we go do some repairs?"  
Severus got to his feet, trying to ignore the feelings within him. He nodded to Hermione and they set out for the castle. Today, they would be working in the North tower, specifically on the Divination classroom, which had some wall damage. They walked to the castle and to the room silently. Severus looked to the ground the entire time, his mind whirling with thoughts. Improper thoughts, if he were to be frank with himself. Hermione was his friend, but there had been a spark when she looked at him. He found that he was attracted to her. He became sullen as they ascended the stairway. He doubted that Hermione felt that way about him, and it seemed he would be destined to never get the girl.  
Finally, they reached the classroom. Hermione opened the door, and they both entered, looking around at the damage. One entire side of the tower had been destroyed, and there was rubble everyone.  
"It sort of looks better like this," Hermione stated.  
Severus chuckled. "Not a fan of the fine art of Divination, are we?"  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's codswallop. Do you know Professor Trelawney?"  
Severus shook his head. "Wait, isn't she the one I heard the prophecy from?"  
Hermione nodded. "Trelawney is a loon. The good thing about her is she stays up here most of the time. I'm surprised she didn't fix all this herself."  
She began waving her wand in large circles, and the stones began to gather. They spun around as other stones joined them. Soon all the rubble was swirling in circles like they were trapped in a tornado. Hermione flicked her wand, and the stones moved into their original places, making the tower wall look as if it had never been touched.  
"Nice wand work," Severus said, regarding her with appreciation.  
Hermione smiled. "I've gotten a lot of practice over the last few weeks." She looked around. "I guess we should restore the shelving along the wall and rehang the curtains.  
"Allow me," Severus responded and did his own fancy wand work to replace the shelving and the curtains.  
Hermione smiled at him impishly. "I thought you weren't a fan of foolish wand waving."  
He looked at her curiously.  
"It was your opening speech to the first years, guaranteed to put the fear of death into them." She lowered her voice and quoted it verbatim to him. "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses.... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."  
Severus laughed. "I like the ending. Seems typical of me from what I understand of my previous teaching. Perhaps you can teach it to me, so I can deliver it again."  
She laughed at that.  
"Why did you memorized that?" he asked incredulously.  
Hermione blushed and looked down. "To be honest with you, I was so enchanted by those words, I would disillusion myself and sneak into your first-year class every year just so I could hear them. And you said that dunderhead part every single year."  
Chuckling, Severus looked at Hermione. "Whatever was so enchanting about that speech?"  
Hermione shrugged. "The delivery, first of all. Your voice is beautifully deep and can be almost hypnotic when you're talking about something that you love. The way you described what can be done with Potions... honestly, Severus, you made me want to truly experience that."  
He regarded her solemnly. He could see the respect she had for him, despite his being horrible to her. "I thought you hated my teaching."  
Hermione whipped her head up and met his eyes. "That's not true at all! I loved your teaching, I just hated the way you treated us... me especially... when you were doing so."  
Severus looked away. "About that," he whispered. "In reading my journal, it seems I wrote about you repeatedly. Believe it or not I had quite a bit of respect for you and felt that without your help your friends would have not survived all that you went through. Much of what I wrote about you, though, had to do with the horrid things I said to you. I can assure you that most of what I said was because of my role as a spy. As Potter’s friend, If ever I was seen to be nice to you, it would have probably been my ruin. Things tended to get back to the Dark Lord, no matter how secretive anyone was. I knew he was coming back, so I needed to have a long-term history of treating you like shite." He looked to her then. "I'm sorry about that."  
Hermione smiled thinly at him and reached out and rubbed his arm. "Severus, I had hoped it was something like that. I will admit, you hurt my feelings a lot."  
"Then why are you my friend now?" he asked sadly.  
"Well, I always respected you. You were my professor. It took me a long time to figure out that some of your actions might have been related to your spying. When you killed Dumbledore, I was so confused and hurt again. Not that it was about me, I know that. I just thought I had understood you somehow, but then you did that. It made no sense, and deep down I felt that there was more to it, but I just didn't have any other idea of why you would have killed him except the obvious."  
"He destroyed me by having me kill him. My journal is fraught with remorse and self-incrimination after that. I felt that I deserved to die for what I'd done. I wanted to die for it."  
Hermione reached out to him again. "Severus, you don't feel that way now, do you?"  
He shook his head. "I'm glad to be alive, despite being so young and having to live my life over again. The de-aging left all of that behind with my older self. Of course, I still regret killing him, but coming at it from this point of view, I'm not so distraught and filled with remorse."  
She rubbed his arm before pulling her hand back. "Good," she said. "You deserve to be happy, Severus."  
"Mmmhmm," Severus said quietly.  
Hermione eyed the room again. "I wonder what Trelawney would do if we changed the color of her curtains to black." She waved her wand and all the purple and pink dissolved to black.  
"Hermione!" Severus chided, but was smiling. "You wouldn't like it if someone came into your room and changed all your things."  
She turned them back to their original colors. "No, of course I wouldn't. I was just having some fun."  
Severus waved his wand, and her shirt turned green. Hermione looked at him incredulously.  
"Oh, you're asking for it!" she exclaimed. With a wave of her wand, his shirt was now crimson with golden lions embroidered into it.  
Severus' mouth gaped open. His wand flicked, and a large silver snake appeared on her shirt. It slithered from front to back repeatedly. Hermione flicked her wand back at Severus, but nothing happened.  
"What did you do?" Severus asked.  
She looked at him smugly. "You won't be able to remove that shirt for the rest of the day." She grinned evilly at him.  
"Two can play at that game." His flick not only did the same to her shirt, but added a green snake headband which pulled her hair back. "There, that will keep your hair from attacking me."  
Hermione folded her arms and glared at Severus. "Just because my hair has a mind of its own, Severus Snape, doesn't mean you can be cruel!"  
"Hermione, I was only joking," he said. "I love your hair." His eyes grew wide with his admission, and he turned and pretended to examine their repairs. "I think we're done here. Everything looks put together." Nervously he hoped she wouldn't say anything about his little comment.  
They rose, and she moved beside him but didn't look at him. "Yes, everything looks the way it did before. We're good to go."  
"I will take my leave of you then, I have some things to take care of. I'll see you tomorrow, Hermione."  
She nodded, and he turned and left. His mind was whirling. What had he done? He needed to be careful of what he said, or she'd know for sure that he was attracted to her. Then she'd probably feel pity towards him, and he’d never want that. He'd be more careful. He'd been a spy before, right? Surely, keeping a girl from knowing he liked her would be easy after that.

* * *

Thankfully, things hadn't gotten awkward between the two of them. She hadn't seemed to take his comment about her hair as more than just a compliment. Severus was thankful for that. The week had gone by swiftly, and Hermione had decided to stay for dinner that Friday night.  
"Don't you usually do something with Weasley on Fridays?" Severus asked as they settled into their seats at the Head Table.  
She shrugged and looked to her plate.  
"Uh oh," Severus said. "Is there trouble in paradise?"  
"I don't think it ever was paradise, Severus."  
"What's going on? Are you two fighting?"  
She shook her head. "I just needed some space. I told him that I wanted some time to myself this weekend."  
Severus put some mashed potatoes on his plate and passed the bowl to her. "So, he was all right with that?"  
Scoffing, she told him what had happened. "He said I needed to get away from this castle. He thinks I'm obsessed with it."  
"Have you not told him that we work on the castle together?"  
Hermione nodded. "I told him a little while ago." She didn't say anything more.  
"You said before he was jealous. Is he all right with that?"  
She looked at Severus angrily. "I don't care if he's all right with that or not. I can spend time with whomever I like. We're just friends, and I've told him that as well."  
"I suppose by what you've just said, he has a problem with us."  
She sighed and placed some green beans on her plate before cutting into her roast. "He's jealous of you. He thinks I spend all my time here."  
"Well, he's right about that."  
She glared at him. "That may be, but we're working on fixing the castle." Her hand went out and motioned around her. "It's not like we're snogging around every corner."  
The thought of snogging Hermione Granger made his heart beat faster, but Severus calmed himself down and came back to the matter at hand.  
"I told him last night that I planned on eating here with you, and that I would see him after I was done. He came unglued. I won't repeat what he said, but it was insulting to the both of us. I told him that if he was going to act like a child, then he could forget about seeing me for the entire weekend. That's when he turned red and marched out of my apartment swearing that he was going to take up with Lavender again because at least she appreciated him."  
"Who's Lavender?"  
"She's his ex-girlfriend. He used her to make me jealous in our sixth year."  
"He still likes her?"  
She shrugged. "I hadn't thought so, but he brought her up easily enough."  
Severus looked to his plate and swirled his meat in his gravy. "Hermione, how long are you going to put up with him? He seems to make you upset more and more. You're not just bickering any more, but actually fighting. I can't remember the last time you said you had fun with him."  
Hermione played with the food on her plate. "I care about him. I want to make this work."  
Severus snorted. "Yes, but does he? He has to do his part as well, Hermione. It can't only be you."  
"I know you're right. I just had hoped that we'd get together for so long. Now I almost wish we hadn't."  
Severus grasped her hand with his. "What do you really want, Hermione?"  
She looked up at him. "I honestly don't know."  
Severus regarded her for a while. It was obvious to him what she needed to do, but he knew he was biased because of his feelings for her. She was his friend and needed his support. That support needed to be impartial.  
"Hermione, you'll know what you need to do when the time comes. I just don't want you to be hurt by him. He needs to change, or this won't work."  
"I know you're right. I'm just hoping that he will."  
"You shouldn't have to wait forever, you know."  
Her lips turned up in a grim smile. "I know. But I’m not ready to let him go just yet."  
They returned to their meal. Hermione soon looked a bit cheerier. "So, I'm free for the evening. Would you like to do something fun?"  
"Define 'fun'." Severus said.  
Hermione laughed. "Well, we could go to Hogsmeade." Her eyes lit up. "I know, we could Apparate to London and go to the cinema."  
"And what do you suggest we see?" Severus asked tartly.  
"There's a new romance about Cinderella called _Ever After. _"__  
Severus grimaced, which made Hermione laugh out loud. "I knew you'd make that face if I suggested a romance!" She giggled. "You're so predictable."  
"Oh really?" Severus asked as he raised his eyebrow. "Then what movie would I want to see, according to you?"  
“They’re running a Schwarzenegger film festival downtown. I would say _Terminator_ , but I think you’re more of a _True Lies_ sort of bloke.”  
He arched his eyebrow again. "Having recently caught up on all the entertainment news since I was previously nineteen, I’d have to say that’s a good guess."  
"So, are you in?"  
"Of course. I like Schwarzenegger’s voice."  
"You like _his_ voice? Have you listened to yourself lately?"  
He looked at her curiously.  
"Your voice is amazing. I could listen to you recite the phone book and never be bored."  
"Anderson, Arnold; Ardeman, David; Azdale, William," he ground out.  
She hit his arm playfully. "I stand by what I said. I could listen to you all night, but we have a movie to get to.”  
They finished their meal making small talk and avoiding any talk of Ron Weasley. Soon they were done and headed for London. As they got to the Apparition point, Severus pulled her close.  
"I think side-along would be the easiest way to get there, if you're all right with that."  
Hermione nodded and put her arms around his waist, despite not needing to. Severus felt a flash of heat as her arms went around him. He pushed down his reaction and spun them to within a block of their destination. Turning the corner from the alley way in which they appeared, they could see the lights of the cinema. Severus held out his arm for her to take, and they began their short walk. Her arm on his made his heart dance. Even though she had no feelings for him but friendship, he couldn't get her out of his mind. How he wished she'd give up on Weasley and consider being with him. He knew the likelihood of that. He was Severus Snape, after all. He doubted she'd be able to get past his treatment of her prior to becoming 19 again. He was happy she'd even consider being his friend. The woman was truly remarkable.  
They arrived at the cinema, and Severus bought the tickets, popcorn, and drinks. Hermione tried to protest, but he simply lifted his hand to her. "This is my treat," he explained simply. She regarded him coolly, but acquiesced.  
The movie was exciting. Severus wanted to hold Hermione's hand the whole time, but he kept himself in check. They refilled the popcorn on their way out and were discussing the film on the way back to the Apparition spot.  
"So, did you relate to that movie, Severus? You know, being a spy and all."  
Severus popped a handful of popcorn into his mouth and mumbled his answer to her. "I was never a spy."  
"But you were, though. You just can't remember."  
"According to my journal, it was never that romantic. He's like Bond, but American... and married."  
"I loved when his head about blew up when he found out Helen was cheating on him. And then he was like a little lost puppy."  
"I thought it was great that they were able to work together in the end. That's pretty much the ideal marriage if you ask me."  
Hermione looked at him thoughtfully. "Really? Is that what you want out of a partner?"  
Severus looked to her. "Well, sort of. It wasn't just my love for Lily that kept me from dating other women as a spy." He stopped and turned to her. "Even if there had been a way for me to forget Lily and move on, the thought of lying to my partner every day like Harry did is unpalatable. The only way to have a good relationship is to be honest with one another."  
She nodded slowly. "Yes, but in the movie, Helen forgave him."  
He chuckled while remembering the scene where she realized he was the spy and not her. "Yes, but in real life, things don't always work out that way. I much prefer their later relationship, sharing everything about each other and working together to solve things. I would like that with a partner."  
She angled her head and regarded him. "Severus Snape, you're a closet romantic! Who would have ever guessed that?"  
He took a handful of the popcorn he was eating and threw it at her. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and she reached into the bucket and showered him with a handful. They each grabbed handfuls and threw them at each other until the popcorn bucket was empty. They then began to laugh uncontrollably. They looked at each other mid-laugh and Severus felt that pull towards her again. He stopped laughing, and so did she. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before Hermione broke the tension and looked at the ground. She chuckled again.  
"Well, we made quite the mess, didn't we?" she remarked.  
He nodded. "The birds will enjoy a hearty breakfast." He tossed the bucket into a nearby trashcan, and they headed back to the alleyway. He pulled her close again, and she surrounded his waist with her arms. He was so tempted to lean in and kiss her. She almost looked like she would welcome it, but he knew it was only his imagination.  
"Ready?" he asked finally.  
She nodded, and they disappeared into the night.

* * *

The next day Hermione didn't meet him by their tree. Instead, she knocked on his door right before breakfast. He opened it and found her smiling brightly at him. She whizzed into his room and bid him good morning.  
"You're here awfully early," he said.  
"I thought you might like to go to breakfast with me," she said, still grinning.  
He gave her a quick bow of his head. "I would enjoy that very much. I'm surprised you got out of Grimmauld so early."  
Her grin widened. "Well," she said. "After last night, I was thinking about my living situation when I got home. I'm tired of doing everything for Ron. I stayed at Grimmauld Place for him. I've been wanting to move in here ever since you did, but I just never wanted to hash it out with Ron, and I wanted to try to make it work with him."  
"So, are you saying you're giving up on Ron?" Severus asked hopefully.  
She stared at him for a minute. "No, I still want to try and work that out, but he needs to know I'm not always going to be right there at his beck and call. I packed all my things and moved here this morning."  
Severus grinned. "I'm glad to hear that, Hermione. This will help you to know what to do about Ron, depending on what he does about you. I hope everything works out for you the way it should," he offered.  
"Thanks! I hope it does as well. As for now, I've got a hankering for some bangers and eggs."  
"Well, my lady, who am I to stop you?"  
He extended his arm, and they proceeded to the Great Hall.

* * *

After breakfast, they headed to Hogsmeade as Hermione wanted a new quill for grading. They were now in Scrivenshaft's checking out her options. There were several quills displayed on the counter in front of them.  
"Which do you think I should get, Severus?"  
"Peacock, of course," Severus replied drolly.  
Hermione whapped him on his arm. "I brought you here to help, not make ridiculous suggestions."  
Severus looked down at his arm and then to Hermione. "You wound me, woman. Most literally."  
Hermione rolled her eyes and moved back to the quills. She pointed to a dark brown one. "How about the eagle feather?"  
"It is quite handsome," Severus replied.  
She lifted it up and moved it around in her hand. Pretending to write with it on the parchment the store had provided, she nodded her head. Handing it over to Severus she motioned for him to take it. "Feel it. It's very smooth on paper."  
Severus tested it out and agreed. Soon they had her purchase wrapped and were back outside, looking at the other shops. They stopped at Zonko's, which had been boarded up during the war.  
"It seems that Zonko's is reopening," Severus mused as they noticed movement behind the partially boarded windows.  
Hermione shook her head. "George bought it and is going to reopen it as the second location for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes."  
"I've not been to the shop in Diagon Alley yet. Minerva told me about it and about his twin that didn't survive the war."  
Hermione looked to the ground. "Yes, it was hard on all of us when we lost Fred. I'm glad that George is moving on with their plans. They always wanted this shop since they were students."  
At that moment they heard Hermione's name called out and turned to see who was calling her. Ron was heading for them, looking a bit peeved.  
"I've been looking all over Hogwarts for you," he said in a huff. "I finally gave up and was coming to help George out, and I find you here."  
Hermione's lips thinned. "I needed a new quill," she explained.  
"Why are all your things gone, Hermione? Where'd you go?"  
Hermione regarded him coolly. "I moved to Hogwarts permanently. It's close enough to the school year that Minerva said I could come early, especially since the castle still needs a bit of work."  
"You mean you're living with him?" Ron asked incredulously as he pointed at Severus.  
"She is living in the Transfiguration rooms." Severus said quietly.  
Hermione, though, was not quiet. "Ron! Stop this now! I'm sick of you accusing me of all sorts of tawdry things. Why would that be the first conclusion you jump to?"  
"Well, it's not like you ever stop talking about him. What's a guy to do?"  
Severus arched an eyebrow at that.  
Hermione huffed. "Ron, I moved out, ok? I don't want to go into this with you. I just need some space and wanted to get out on my own."  
"But..."  
"And that's final," she insisted.  
Weasley realized he wouldn't get anywhere with arguing. Suddenly, he pulled her into a hug. "I suppose I understand. I just want you to be happy," he said.  
Hermione softened, and her arms went around him. "I'm glad you are ok with this."  
Severus looked on with a frown. The last thing he wanted to watch was them get all sweet with one another. He cleared his throat.  
"Listen, I am going to head back to Hogwarts. You both should grab some lunch or something."  
"Oh, but won't you join us?" Hermione asked hopefully.  
The scowl on Weasley's face was almost enough for him to accept the invitation, but he didn't. For all he knew, the couple would end up snogging, and then he'd have to Avada himself. "No, I have much to do. Thank you, though." With a quick bow of his head, he told them good-bye and Apparated away quickly. Opening the gate, he stalked up to the castle. He was angry with himself for letting a small display of affection bother him. Weasley was obviously trying to get into Hermione's good graces again. Maybe he was being serious, but something felt wrong about his actions. Hermione deserved better anyway. Storming down to the dungeon, he fled to his room and barricaded himself within it. Throwing himself on his bed, he glared at the ceiling. It seemed he would never be able to have someone special in his life.

* * *

At dinner, he found that Weasley had stayed and had summoned Potter as well. The two sat with Hermione conversing about their day. He nodded to them as he took a seat and filled his plate. He wasn't really paying attention to the three when he heard Potter address him.  
"What do you think, Severus?"  
Severus grimaced. "Sorry, I was thinking about something and didn't hear your question."  
"Do you want to play some Quidditch after dinner?"  
Severus mulled it over. "I'm not very good," he stated.  
"Neither is Hermione, but we always have fun when we have a friendly game. Come join us."  
Severus thought about it and then gave a quick nod.  
His decision had turned out to be a good one, and he enjoyed himself immensely. Harry had sent his Patronus to the Weasley's home, and the entire family had come out to play. Severus had never seen so many gingers amassed in one place. What was even more surprising to him was the welcome he got and the feeling of camaraderie as they all played. Even Ron was pleasant during the game. They even patted him on the back as they ended the match, which his team had won. They all said goodbye, promising to gather again for a rematch soon. Severus smiled as they all Disapparated leaving Hermione and him alone on the Quidditch pitch.  
"Well, that was fun!" Hermione gushed. "And we showed them about not being able to play, right?"  
Severus smiled as they turned and began to head back to the castle. Hermione linked her arm with his and arched an eyebrow at him.  
"What?" he demanded.  
"I think you told them you weren't good so they'd underestimate you."  
Severus grinned and gave a slight shrug.  
"That's so Slytherin of you!" she teased.  
That's one of the first rules you learn as a Slytherin. "Never let an opponent know exactly what you're capable of."  
"Oh really? What other rules do you learn as a Slytherin?" she asked coyly.  
"Not to share the rules with others."  
She pulled on his arm. "Oh, come on! You're not a student anymore. Spill the beans."  
He stopped and turned to her. "If I told you, I'd have to kidnap you and hide you away from everyone, so you wouldn't let out our deep, dark secrets."  
Hermione giggled at him, and as he looked at her, the idea of hiding her away forever seemed incredibly appealing. He got closer to her.  
"I'm serious. The great House of Slytherin guards their secrets well."  
"Come on, tell me. You were fine about telling me the first one."  
He straightened up and dead panned, "Oh, I was, wasn't I? Perhaps it was a Slytherin trick, so you'd ask about all of them, and I could implement my evil plan to steal you away."  
"Oh, there's nothing evil about you, Severus Snape. You just huff and puff a lot, but in there," she touched his heart, "you're all soft and sweet."  
He pulled back with a grimace. "Woman, never describe me as soft OR sweet. Those are words that Slytherins abhor when describing themselves. We are cunning and ambitions, never soft and sweet."  
Her hand had remained on his chest, and she slightly squeezed him. "You can try to fool me all you want, Severus. I see who you really are."  
Their eyes met and held each other captive for a minute. He came closer to her, wanting to kiss her, but then thought better of it. Despite not kissing her, electricity flew between them. At least that's what he perceived. He assumed Hermione didn't feel it, as she pulled away and shifted her eyes around. She pointed to the moon, which had risen as they had made their way to the castle.  
"Look, the sky is beautiful tonight," she said, her voice wavering.  
Severus looked up. "The moon is looking very lovely, and you can see more stars than usual."  
They admired the sky for a few more minutes before moving on. Severus became internally maudlin. Hermione was so close to him, and they were close as friends as well, but she could never feel more than friendship for him. She was involved with Weasley and wanted that relationship to work. This silly romance he'd spun in his mind had to stop.

* * *

The summer had passed quickly, and it was the day that school started. The castle had finally been fully restored, and everything was ready for the students. Severus sat under their tree mulling over what was to come that evening when the students arrived. The impending first day of school loomed great in his mind, and he was feeling nervous about it coming. Not that he wasn't ready. Working with Minerva, he'd felt secure in his teaching abilities. He still looked towards the first day with trepidation.  
He saw Hermione coming towards him and immediately felt more at ease. She had a way of making him see things differently, and he knew she'd help him take his mind off his worries. As she approached, he began to wonder what was wrong. Her hands were curled into fists, and she was scowling. Her gait was quick and angry as well. She came up to him, and he could see the crackle of her magic radiating from her.  
"Hermione, whatever is wrong, you need to calm down. I could probably roast marshmallows off the crackling of your magical aura."  
Hermione sat down hard next to him and studied the ground while mumbling to herself. Severus couldn't understand what she was saying, but he heard some words like 'selfish git' and 'got what he deserved.'  
He twisted toward her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Hermione," he said softly. "Tell me what's happened."  
She finally looked up to him with fury in her eyes. "You know what? I don't care what he does! If he's going to treat me like that, he can just go run back to Lavender and marry her."  
Anger filled Severus' face. "What did Weasley do now?"  
She scoffed. "What didn't he do?"  
Severus calmed himself. He wouldn't be any help to Hermione if he was raging on against her boyfriend. His tone softened. "Tell me."  
"He asked me to marry him!!"  
Severus arched an eyebrow. "Shouldn't that make you happy?" His demeanor didn't give away the inner turmoil that was going on with her statement.  
She looked up then, and he saw tears starting to form in her eyes. "Yes, it should, but it doesn't. You know that I've not known what to do about him, and that I think we're growing apart instead of getting closer. Severus, I told him no because I just don't know if that is what I want with him. Besides, I don't want to jump into marriage with him right away. I'm starting this teaching position, and that's stressful. I wanted some time before even thinking about marriage."  
"I assume he was disappointed."  
She snorted. "I could have taken disappointed. That would have made sense, right? Instead, he just got angry. He accused me of bedding Harry; then he accused me of bedding you. Then he said that I was just a trollop who couldn't keep her pants on." Tears were running down her cheeks at this point. Her voice wavered as she continued. "He said that he could get any woman he wanted, and if I didn't agree to marry him right then, he'd go out and find someone who would."  
Severus' arms were around her, pulling her to him in an instant. He ground his teeth so he wouldn't say anything horrid about Weasley, but if he could, he would have Apparated to him and killed him on the spot. She didn't need his ire about the situation right now, though. She needed to calm down and not be so upset. He could feel her magic on the verge of exploding. He hoped he could calm her down with some levity.  
"If you'd like, I could _Obliviate_ him and give him the memories of the Fat Lady."  
She gave a small chuckle, and he felt the magic around her diminish slightly. She relaxed into him but didn't raise her head from his chest.  
"I hexed him, Severus. I told him that we were through and to never come by again, and then I hexed his tongue to swell so he can't say such things about me again." Her fingers made circles in his chest as her head remained buried there. "Do you think I'm a whore, Severus?"  
He squeezed her tighter. "Hermione, I could never think such an ugly thing of you."  
Her tears flowed freely then, which helped her magic to calm down. Pulling her away from him after a while, he dried her eyes. He looked into them and felt the pull of attraction he had to her again. He'd been fighting against this all summer, but her tearful eyes looking at him just proved to him that he was in love with her.  
"He's a fool not to see how wonderful you are." He couldn't help himself at that point. He pulled her to him and kissed her. The reality of what he was doing dawned on him, and he pulled away.  
"Merlin, I'm sorry, Hermione. I just... It'll never happen again, I swear. I'm sorry."  
He stood and swiftly left the area, ignoring her calls for him to come back.

* * *

Severus was in his room, pacing. He paced like he'd never paced before. What the hell was wrong with him? What had he done? Ruined everything, that's what he'd done. She would never talk to him again, he was sure of that. Ugh, he'd taken advantage of her. She was upset about her boyfriend, and he'd kissed her. What kind of a louse was he?  
There was a knock on his door that made him freeze in his place. Another knock came after a few seconds.  
"Severus?" Hermione called. "Severus, I know you 're in there. We need to talk about this. Please open the door."  
He couldn't. Not now. He couldn't face her.  
"Severus Snape, you open the door now, or I'm just going to shout at it until you do. Everyone can hear what I have to say to you."  
As his office was located where few would ever wander on purpose made him certain no one would hear her no matter how loudly she shouted.  
She pounded on the door again. "Severus, please!"  
He made his way to the door and caressed it, wishing he were brave enough to open it and tell her how he felt. "Oh, Hermione," he whispered and closed his eyes. Leaning his forehead against the door, he wished everything would be different, and she'd wanted him from the beginning.  
"Fine," she yelled. "If this is the way you want to do this, so be it. Why did you run after you kissed me? Did you just do it to shut me up? Did you come to your senses mid-kiss and realize you didn't like me at all? Did you find me so repulsive that you had to run? Why, Severus?"  
Her questions made his heart constrict within him. He found her beautiful and desirable and would never just kiss a woman to shut her up. He wrenched the door open and pulled her into the room. Everything he wanted to say at that moment disappeared from his head as he looked at her. She was crying, and not about Weasley. She was crying about him. He'd hurt her and hadn't even realized it.  
His hands went to her arms. "Hermione, how could you ever think such things?" he asked in barely a whisper.  
Tears streamed down her face. "Why did you run? Why didn't you come back and talk to me? What was I supposed to think?"  
"Don't cry. Merlin, don't cry." He pulled her to him and hugged her desperately. "It makes my heart ache to see you cry, Hermione."  
"Severus, please talk to me," she begged while staying in his embrace.  
"I took advantage of the situation, and I truly apologize for it. Please forgive me."  
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "What do you feel for me, Severus?"  
"No, please, let's not go into that. I cherish our friendship, and I won't have anything destroy it."  
"Severus, I need to know."  
He couldn't make the words come out of his mouth. He just stared at her plaintively.  
She frowned at him before she began to speak again. "When Ron asked me to marry him, I felt cheated and heartbroken. Do you know why?"  
Severus shook his head.  
"Because I wanted you to be the one proposing to me, but I have always known we were just friends. I knew you didn't feel that way about me, but Ron's question brought everything to a head. I realized I'd been trying to make the impossible work with Ron because I really wanted you, and I could never have you."  
Severus' eyes moved to hers. He was drawn into them and knew she was telling the truth.  
"But now you know that's not true," he said.  
"Do I? You ran away."  
"I ran because I had taken advantage of you when you were upset. You wanted it to work with Weasley. There was never any room in your heart for me."  
"My heart only holds you."  
His hands came up to her face. "Are you sure? Because I couldn't take it if this were all just some fantasy, and you went back to Weasley tomorrow."  
She scoffed. "I'll never go back to him. Not when you're here."  
He pulled her to him and kissed her for the second time that day. This kiss was soft, reverent, and filled with his love for her. She fell into him, and he deepened the kiss. Their mouths opened, and they tried to consume each other. He broke off finally and rested his forehead on hers.  
"I love you, Hermione. I didn't think this would ever be possible, but I couldn't help myself. You're everything I've ever wanted. Please say you'll be mine."  
She pulled back and drew her hands up to his face. "I love you too. I’ll be yours forever if you want.”  
His heart sung at her admission. Infinite possibilities opened up to him with her declaration. His earlier trepidation about the new school year disappeared. He was supposed to be here, doing this, and having Hermione in his arms. He'd thought Minerva had been daft to choose this age for him, but his whole life now spread before him, and he hoped that Hermione would be in every part of that. His fresh start was here, with her.  
"I couldn't ask for anything more," he replied before pulling her back to him and crushing her mouth with his. All was well.


End file.
